Pro Wrestling

10 Ridiculous Wrestling Romances

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/wwe-divas/images/31134454/title/kanes-former-flames-photo Source: fanpop.com

One of the most common ways used to describe pro wrestling is calling it “a male soap opera”. And while wrestling has mastered the ridiculously convoluted ploys and rampant betrayals found in your average daytime television program, they haven’t yet mastered another important quality of soap operas: romance. Historically, whenever romance is introduced into the world of pro wrestling, it quite often gets handled in incredibly cringe-worthy, unrealistic, and occasionally humorous ways. Many times, it seems as if everyone who writes about pro wrestling has never actually seen a real-life relationship. And if you don’t believe that, check out this list of the most painful, unbelievable, and downright silly romance story lines that have all actually taken place in pro wrestling.

10. Dolph Ziggler & Lana vs Rusev & Summer Rae

This storyline has it all. Jealousy. Rage. Dead fish. Giant Bulgarian flags. Couples who have absolutely zero chemistry with each other. Seriously, Lana and Dolph Ziggler were so stiff towards each other during the initial weeks of their pairing that they tried to address it by saying that Lana was initially using Ziggler just to get back at Rusev, and developed feelings for him eventually. Meanwhile, former undefeated monster Rusev somehow ended up coming across as a sympathetic figure due to clearly having a hard time with their break-up (including a realization that it was at least partially his fault), because who hasn’t been there? Also, since without Lana he was force to cut his own promos, he was getting over by playing the entire goofy situation in a hilariously over-the-top fashion. But because he’s supposed to be the bad guy, WWE had him make ridiculously misogynistic statements on television and Twitter, which means that all four people in this angle come off looking like jerks. Everyone involved in this looks like they would rather be doing anything else, but WWE clearly thinks this will finally be the thing that brings back casual fans, running fake TMZ-style videos and talking about how it’s “burning up social media”. Which it might be, although one might suspect that most of that would be people talking about how terrible the entire thing is. Oh, and if anyone cared about the wrestling part, the matches have all been fairly bad with non-endings involving cat fights between the women so that the feud can keep going.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2N1hjPf8wpE Source: YouTube.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2N1hjPf8wpE Source: YouTube.com

9. Edge and Vickie Guerrero

One of several relationships WWE put Vickie Guerrero in, due to her heel character having almost nuclear levels of heat, this was confusing mostly because it was never quite clear if they actually loved each other, or were just using each other the further their own goals. At times, it was almost sweet, as they romanced each other, played sappy videos of all the fun they were having as a couple, gave each other thoughtful gifts. Vickie even voluntarily threw her body between Edge and harm more than once during matches, which would suggest some level of devotion. They even got married, in a rare WWE wedding that both happened off-screen and was, at the time, successful. But then it was revealed at the reception that Edge cheated on Vickie with the wedding planner (Alicia Fox’s WWE debut, if anyone was interested), and Vickie sent The Undertaker after Edge in revenge. Except they were still married, and when Edge returned later in the year they got back together like nothing had happened. But wait, in the build-up for WrestleMania, it was revealed that Vickie was cheating on Edge with The Big Show for some reason, which seemed to hurt Edge on an emotional level. But they continued to stay together, even though they were briefly separated due to the annual Draft, until Vickie quit as General Manager and Edge divorced her, due to her no longer having the power to get him World title matches.

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/vickie-guerrero/images/30068190/title/vickie-guerrero-edge-wwes-power-couples-photo Source: Fanpop.com

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/vickie-guerrero/images/30068190/title/vickie-guerrero-edge-wwes-power-couples-photo Source: Fanpop.com

8. Teddy Long and Kristal

Of course, before Vicki Guerrero, there was Teddy Long, who was Smackdown General Manager for so long that people often forget that anyone else ever held the position. But his removal from the job was the result of a long-running ploy by WWE Diva Kristal, who was one of a long string of Divas hired through the ridiculous Diva Search (despite not winning) and put on TV in random roles. In her case, she was a backstage interviewer, who transitioned into a part-time wrestler and love interest of Teddy Long. There was never any indication that the two were anything but in love with each other, and they were set to be married on a special episode of Smackdown. However, Teddy suffered a “heart attack” during the ceremony and was removed as GM while he recovered, handing the job to Vicki Guerrero, his assistant, whom Kristal had gotten Teddy to hire. Clearly, it had all been some sort of plot to usurp the power of the GM’s role, but Kristal suddenly left WWE literally weeks after the wedding angle aired, so it was never actually addressed.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/wrestling/283107/Long-history-of-failed-nuptials.html Source: thesun.co.uk

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/wrestling/283107/Long-history-of-failed-nuptials.html Source: thesun.co.uk

7. Daniel Bryan and Gail Kim

First of all, to understand the logic behind this storyline, you have to think that it’s hilarious that the Bellas don’t know the difference between “vegan” and “virgin”. Which, admittedly, is pretty funny. Anyway, on television, the Bellas started some sort of competition between themselves to see who could, presumably, sleep with Daniel Bryan first (it was never explicitly said that this was the goal, but yes, that was the goal). So they started fawning all over a clearly confused Bryan, and, shockingly, they were making no visible progress. Eventually, the big reveal was that Daniel Bryan, poor lonely vegan, was actually already dating Gail Kim, foiling whatever plan it was the Bellas had (and also reminding people that the criminally under-used Kim was even still on the roster). Sadly for the team of Bryan and Kim, the relationship didn’t really set the world on fire, and Kim left WWE shortly thereafter. Meanwhile, Daniel Bryan would go on to marry Brie Bella in real life, because that’s obviously the way this whole thing had to end.

http://www.diva-dirt.com/87751/missed-connections-four-forgotten-wrestling-couples/4/ Source: diva-dirt.com

http://www.diva-dirt.com/87751/missed-connections-four-forgotten-wrestling-couples/4/ Source: diva-dirt.com

6. Zack Ryder and Eve Torres

Believe it or not, at one point Zack Ryder was incredibly popular. He had a successful YouTube show, he was the United States champion, and he was making romantic overtures to WWE Diva Eve Torres that she seemed to be reciprocating. But then it all came crashing down, as Zack became best friends with John Cena, which is wrestling’s version of being one day away from retirement and getting shot by drug dealers to motivate your partner into getting revenge. Ryder was used as a pawn by Cena’s opponent at the time, Kane, and was brutally beaten, thrown off the stage in a wheelchair, and lost his United States title because he was too injured to properly defend himself. Also, while he was recuperating from his injuries, Eve Torres told the entire world that she was only using him because he was famous and popular, and made out with Ryder’s best friend, John Cena. But when Ryder returned to action he had clearly suffered some sort of brain damage, as he forgave Eve and the two remained a couple, even though she was clearly still working against him. This all came to a head when she betrayed him at WrestleMania, costing his team the match and Teddy Long his job as Smackdown GM (yes, Teddy lost his job several times over the years, but this one actually stuck). Ryder’s star fell quickly afterwards.

http://www.thesportster.com/wrestling/top-15-wwe-love-triangles/ Source: thesportster.com

http://www.thesportster.com/wrestling/top-15-wwe-love-triangles/ Source: thesportster.com

5. Billy and Chuck

If there was ever a need for proof that wrestling isn’t the most progressive form of entertainment in the world, it would probably best be represented by their use of derogatory homosexual stereotypes over the years, even as the rest of the world began to realize that perhaps it wasn’t okay to portray gay people as effeminate bad guys. And in the mid-2000’s, WWE was desperately trying to regain the mainstream relevancy they’d had in the Attitude Era, which in their minds, meant being as controversial as was possible for a now-publicly-traded company. Enter Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo, who were a tag team that were allegedly gay, despite having no actual chemistry together. Acting under the orders of their manager/hairdresser Rico (who would himself later go on to play a flamboyant homosexual character because WWE never learns), Billy and Chuck confirmed that they were a couple and planned to get married on an incredibly hyped-up episode of Smackdown. WWE got their wish, as mainstream media outlets began covering the possibility that two men might get married in a wrestling storyline, and GLAAD even sent the happy couple a wedding present. And then it all turned out to be a publicity stunt, as Billy and Chuck backed out of the wedding at the last minute and affirmed that they both were not, in fact, gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. Then they got beaten up by evil Samoans, because wrestling. There was also significant backlash towards WWE for the bait-and-switch by the media, which only served to make it harder for them to get mainstream attention in the future.

http://prowrestling.wikia.com/wiki/File:Billy_Chuck_Rico_1_GD.png Source: prowrestling.wikia.com

http://prowrestling.wikia.com/wiki/File:Billy_Chuck_Rico_1_GD.png Source: prowrestling.wikia.com

4. Dawn Marie and Al Wilson

It was later revealed that the writers intended this story line to be deliberately silly (they were trying to meet WWE’s demands of controversial television but hoping it would fail so they could at least claim they had tried), but that still didn’t make it any easier to have experienced. You see, Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson (we were deep into the “swimsuit models pretending to be wrestlers” era of the Divas division, by the way) were feuding because…well, they never really had a reason, at least initially. Anyway, Dawn Marie decided that the best way to annoy Torrie was to attempt to seduce her (real-life) father, Al Wilson, who was both a senior citizen and a terrible actor. This storyline continued for months, and included Dawn Marie offering to break up with Al if Torrie would have an implied lesbian affair with her, which Torrie apparently went along with. Despite that, Dawn Marie and Al continued to date, got engaged, and got married on Smackdown while wearing nothing but their underwear. And then Al died on their honeymoon from a heart attack caused from having too much sex, Torrie and Dawn Marie brawled at his open-casket funeral, and the whole thing was settled in a “Stepmother vs Stepdaughter” match. All of it took months to play out, and yes, it really did happen.

http://www.diva-dirt.com/88794/from-the-vault-royal-rumble-2003/ Source: diva-dirt.com

http://www.diva-dirt.com/88794/from-the-vault-royal-rumble-2003/ Source: diva-dirt.com

3. Kane and Lita

So, in 2004 Lita and Matt Hardy were a couple, both in WWE and real life. Kane, who was evil at this point in time, attempted to break up the pairing by beating up Hardy multiple times, while simultaneously attempting to seduce Lita. At some point, Lita revealed that she was pregnant, and also unfaithful, because there was a chance that the baby could be Kane’s. And of course it was, leading to Kane and Matt Hardy fighting a match for the right to marry Lita, because that’s what happens in wrestling, for some reason. Kane won the match and earned himself a reluctant bride who worked against him at every turn. However, due to an incident involving seemingly random jobber Gene Snitsky, Lita suffered a miscarriage. This tragedy somehow formed a bond between Lita and Kane, who united to get revenge on Snitsky over the death of their unborn child. No, none of that made any sense. Also, months later, Lita would eventually turn on Kane and hook up with Edge, in a story line designed around the controversy that had exploded over Matt Hardy accusing Lita of cheating on him with Edge in real life. Wrestling is weird.

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/wwe-divas/images/31134454/title/kanes-former-flames-photo Source: fanpop.com

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/wwe-divas/images/31134454/title/kanes-former-flames-photo Source: fanpop.com

2. Triple H and Stephanie and Kurt Angle

Actually, this story line started out as a pretty good love triangle. Triple H and Stephanie were running roughshod over WWE as the McMahon-Helmsley Regime, but Stephanie kept noticing the young, strong, and super-talented Kurt Angle was doing quite well for himself since his debut. Plus, he was kind of attractive in a dorky sort of way. Triple H, sensing his marriage was threatened, actually became sort of sympathetic as he tried to make Stephanie happy while ending up in wacky misunderstandings with Trish Stratus, and attempting to fend off an increasingly aggressive Angle, who was clearly aware of Stephanie’s crush on him. The whole thing built to a climactic match where…Triple H destroyed Angle and forced Stephanie to make a choice, she kicked Kurt Angle in the balls, and they continued to be an evil power couple. This despite the story clearly building towards Angle seducing away Stephanie and Triple H becoming a massive fan favorite as a result, which led to a lot of confusion among fans when it simply ended with Triple H victorious.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/321303754643285400/ Source: Pinterest.com

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/321303754643285400/ Source: Pinterest.com

1. Trish Stratus and Vince McMahon

In the time before she became one of the best female wrestlers in North America, Trish Stratus was mostly used as a model and sometimes manager for other wrestlers. At some point, she apparently decided that the best way to rise high in WWE was to seduce Vince McMahon, so she set out on an overt campaign to do so. And Vince seemed more than receptive, even driving his wife, Linda, into a nervous breakdown and drug-induced stupor over the whole thing. And because it was the Attitude Era, he then made out with Stratus in front of his drug-addled and semi-comatose wife. However, Stratus began to run afoul of Stephanie McMahon, who saw Trish as an interfering gold-digger and a threat to her position as the favorite woman in Vince’s life. And yes, that did get a little creepy, with Stephanie calling herself “Daddy’s Little Girl” and showering Vince with love and adoration, but it was nothing compared to Vince, in an attempt to show Trish her place, forcing Stratus to strip to her underwear and bark like a dog in the middle of the ring during Raw. The whole thing was massively uncomfortable to watch, but thankfully it led to Trish turning on Vince at WrestleMania and regaining some self-respect in the process.

http://prowrestling.wikia.com/wiki/File:RAW_3-26-01_Vince_and_Trish.jpeg Source: prowrestling.wikia.com

http://prowrestling.wikia.com/wiki/File:RAW_3-26-01_Vince_and_Trish.jpeg Source: prowrestling.wikia.com

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