When the zombies attack — and they surely will — are you prepared enough? Wethinks not. Most people just go about their merry modern way, playing Candy Crush on Facebook, racking up points on Minecraft, seeing how many KFC Double Downs they can eat in one sitting and watching re-runs of Game of Thrones. All the while, the Zombie Army is massing in an unknown location, ready to pounce on us with bloodthirsty zeal.
Most slackers will point to their prodigious record on Call of Duty when asked about “preparedness” but have nary a shotgun nor winter survival kit underneath their “Captain America” sheeted bed. Little do they know they may have to go “outside”, God forbid, to do battle with the hordes of the undead, rather than on-line with “Brayden” from San Diego riding herd.
For this, we present you our unabashed, Special Air Service (SAS) — because they’re the most kick-ass — approved Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit. The key to max zombie waxing is to travel light, hydrate, eat as well as possible, shoot judiciously and always have an exit plan. Here are 20 things, in no particular order of importance, we think you can’t do without if you’re to help restart humanity at the end of World War Z.
20. Tactical Float Vest
In a zombie infested world, you’re going to need to carry everything on you. The Blackhawk tactical float vest has enough pouches to store the essentials (flashlights, knives, med kit etc.) but gives you the added bonus of being able to escape into a raging river to avoid being an undead snack.
19. Hand-Crank Flashlight
Batteries are useless in the apocalypse and the storage room would be better suited for ammunition. The Charger hand crank flashlight eliminates the need for AA’s and gives you up to 30 minutes of light, long enough to dust a few Z’s. It also doesn’t require bulb changes and has a NiMH battery.
18. Assault Rifle
Some survivalists will tell you to lug a .50 Cal Barrett sniper rifle — which is awesome — but totally impractical when you gotta get into the fight quick. A Tavor assault rifle would be optimum and be sure to be able to shoot with iron sights. It’s light, looks bad ass, and is durable in all weather extremes. Do also put a good red dot optic sight like an Aimpoint on it (one AA battery lasts about four years).
17. Tentsile Tree Tent and Compact Sleeping Bag
Let’s face it, when you can find cover and concealment after battling bloodthirsty hordes of Z’s, you’ll need some downtime. Maximize your sleeping pleasure with a Tentsile Tree Tent. It will get you off the ground (where the Zs can easily get you) and afford 360 views. It weighs just 15 pounds too. A Marmot Plasma 15 sleeping bag will ensure toasty, but lightweight comfort.
16. Bite-Resistant Body Armour and Gloves
You shouldn’t need to fear others with guns and knives during the apocalypse (they should be your pals!), so no need for plate armour that will just weigh you down. The best solution is wearable bite and cut resistant stuff that wears like underwear (also providing warmth). Turtleskin has head to toe (including neck guards!) cut, slash and — we hope — bite protection. Blackhawk makes great correctional officer approved bite, slash and stab resistant gloves.
15. Water Filtration
No Z-blasting warrior can go very long without water. You don’t hydrate, you become part of the food chain. That’s why you need something like a LifeStraw. It weighs two ounces and allows you to filter about 1,000 liters of even contaminated water. You can drink directly from streams, lakes, rivers and ponds. Take a few, just in case.
14. Fire Knife and Bic Lighter
The Swedes might not know a lot about putting holes in walkers, but they sure know how to make good gear. And when you need a fire (as long as you’re out of sight of the undead) a Light My Fire Swedish FireKnife is just the ticket. You should also have a Bic lighter or two on you, but when those run out, the FireKnife will keep on going. The bic is also good for a celebratory cigar at the end of World War Z.
13. Seed Vault
There will be a lot of competition for wild game when Z nation hits and you won’t be able to count on the Piggly Wiggly for packaged sirloin anymore either. So, walker slayers, you’ll need to become at least partly vegetarian. A survival seed vault by My Patriot Supply will give you 20+ types of vacuum packed heirloom seeds to start your own end-times garden. They’ll last up to five years too, giving you time to figure out horticulture for yourself.
12. Survival Bracelet
Instead of fancy jewelry or that useless watch (who’ll need to tell time anyway) put at least two of these bad boys on your wrists. Survival bracelets are made with 550 paracord, which is durable and will allow you to secure things high in trees where the Z’s can’t get at them. Plus, they’re pretty darn cool looking too.
11. Medical Kit
It’s highly unlikely you’re going to survive the monumental struggle without sustaining a scratch or two — or worse — so a field medical kit is an absolute must. The aptly named ‘Plight of the Living Med’ kit weighs in at just 1.5 pounds and packs everything you’ll need (gauze, bandages, tweezers, tape) and even a little Ibuprofen for that headache you might get from an afternoon chopping off walker heads.
10. Lightweight Crossbow
Eventually your ammunition is going to run dry and your chosen firearm will be as useless as a doorstop. A lightweight crossbow has reusable ammo and is easier to maintain (no barrel scrubbing!). The Excalibur Ibex weighs in at just 6.2 pounds and has a four-arrow quiver. We suggest tripling that amount and having a repair kit handy, too. Plus there is just something way cool about putting an arrow straight through the mouth of a walking corpse.
9. Four-in-One Tool
Pure genius from the folks at Zippo. The 4-in-1 Woodsman has all the tools you’ll ever need to make shelter, cut fire wood. and is a handy dandy weapon should your firearms not be close at hand (or gone). The Woodsman is an axe for chopping, a saw for felling saplings, a mallet for pounding tent stakes into the ground, and a puller to get them out.
8. Fishing Pole
Zombies don’t eat seafood, so you may want to stow a compact fishing rod in your gear. The ultralight pen fishing rod from Go Fast and Light is the ultimate survivalists tool. It stows ultra small and if you get a mini tackle set and some extra fishing line, you’ll be eating trout for dinner after a satisfying day plinking walkers galore.
7. Meals Ready To Eat (MRE)
The first few weeks of the apocalypse will be crucial. If you can survive the initial onslaught, things will start looking up. That’s why you’ll need vacuum packed MRE’s to chow down on for the fight. The army has taken years to perfect compact vittles, so packing a two-week supply won’t weigh you down much. Take it from us, too, the Ravioli is usually fabulous — washed down of course by some nice grape flavoured punch.
6. Tactical Boots
Stow your Doc Martins and Reebok running shoes. You’ll need lightweight, deep tread, weather resistant boots year round. Sleeping rough is no place for Gucci footwear. Rocky 2SV water resistant combat boots are top of the line gear and very light. So pack a second pair. You’ll need your feet to stay dry, otherwise blisters and foot rot will slow you down. And you know what that means.
By all means, take the tactical Range Rover mounted with the minigun — kidding — as far as it will go. The gas will run out and then you are on your own. So, the Motoped Survival Bike might just be your next best friend. It can go up to 400 miles on a single tank of gas (it has two one-gallon fuel tanks) and when the you run out, pedal power works. It has enough storage racks to stow extra bullets and food, so leave the SUV in the driveway.
Walkers travel in droves, typically down central routes that aren’t clogged with trees. Staying off paths and roadways will be paramount to your survival. That means having a compass (preferably mounted to your survival bracelet) to find your way to the next watering hole or defensive position. Don’t be afraid to take a navigation booklet — or a course — to ensure you don’t walk straight into the bloodthirsty gaggle you have been trying to avoid.
3. Combat-Style Backpack
If you have one thing you’ll really rely on, a good ergonomic backpack is it. Triple Aught Design’s FAST Pack EDC is lightweight, has a hydration chamber and tube, MOLLE gear attachments, and attachments for holsters for pete’s sake. It will hold anything and everything. It has an adjustable military-style frame favorited by special forces personnel and it is fully customizable to fit your body type.
2. Pistol and Holster
A Saturday Night Special may be your last line of defence, or in some cases, the preferred method of dispatching zombies. Take your pick of single action, double action, light double action pistols from Glock to Smith and Wesson or Beretta. The choices are unlimited. A good holster, like a Blackhawks Serpa 2 tactical leg holster is best for ease of access. Oh yeah, if the going gets really tough and you don’t feel like being a meal, save the last bullet for yourself.
1. Polaris Ranger with Dillon Aero Gatling Gun
If you’d rather not think about packing all the junk we just recommended and would rather go out in a balls-out blaze of orgiastic zombie killing, this is the ticket. The Dillon Aero puts 3,000 rounds of 7.62 mm down range and is just about the coolest piece of military kit around, if you can get one. So fire up the ATV, load in a couple cases of Budweiser and case of Jack Daniels, enough beef jerky to choke a horse, and your MP3 player set to Motley Crue. You’ll be a buzzed, ‘Kick Start My Heart’ listening, locked-and-loaded killing machine for as long as the liquor, gas, and bullets hold out. The survivors of World War Z will make up songs about you.