No one is immune to douche-baggery. As soon as you believe you are, you’re building yourself up for an even harder fall. Hollywood–however you want to classify that–and the world of entertainment are full of people who fit that description. And the list is always changing. Some people find the light, and gravitate toward gravitas, while others stick out their chest and take on a pungent odor of vinegar and water. As it stands, a few people guilty of being serious jerks are sliding off the top of the mountain–we’re hopeful for them–but as it stands, here are nine who need to be addressed.
9. Sean Penn
Sean Penn was not on this list a week ago. In fact, one might argue that he was outside the Top 50. Sean is like a cat who cannot deny his curiosity. He goes where he wants to be needed, and he shakes the hands of some people without realizing his mission may not always be one of diplomacy. Case in point, Sean’s recent meeting with drug lord El Chapo. Sean is now suggesting his Rolling Stone article “failed,” because people have failed to see the purpose of it. His desire to engage a drug kingpin in a conversation about the war on drugs. An article that he was going to allow El Chapo to have final say before publication. And all the while, Sean was well aware the El Chapo was a fugitive, and literally thousands of people have died at his directive. Congrats Sean, you’re back on our list!
8. Kanye West
Kanye West has claimed the top spot on such lists more than once. His panache for being a jackass has gone way beyond awards shows, as he has even physically assaulted individuals who’ve had verbal altercations with Kim Kardashian. He’s in a a probationary period, so he can’t be excluded from the list. In fairness, we are almost impressed with the profound, and surprisingly well organized thoughts Kanye has shared as of late. Instead of the diatribes, and streams of consciousness that cannot be deciphered, the man seems to be planning what he’ll say before he speaks. Is fatherhood chilling Kanye out? Is it the fact that he’s rapidly approaching 40, and has realized he has to stop acting like a petulant teenager when he doesn’t get his way? Whatever it is, he’s trending in the right direction, but still has a ways to go.
7. Chris Brown
This guy. You might imagine Chris Brown to be a smarmy, cocky little know-it-all with a Napoleon complex and an indistinguishable chip on his shoulder. You’d be wrong. Chris is a physical presence. When he’s in the room, you look to see what he’s up to. He’s also incredibly charming, approachable and kind to fans who hope for some of his time. He’s also got a dark side, which when unveiled, comes complete with a flashing neon sign that says “I Suck.” Chris, who has also been at #1 on this list in the past, is trending in the right direction. It has been awhile since a major incident, and there doesn’t seem to be much validity to the claim that he punched a female, Brasilian attention seeker in the eye. But… when your reputation precedes you, people can say any number of things that are easy to believe.
6. Justin Bieber
The best thing Justin Bieber could do for Justin Bieber is disappear for awhile. Like the Jesus he claims, Justin needs to embark on his 40 days in the desert. No, not 40 days of dessert, JB… 40 in the desert… and not Palm Springs. Bieber is in a vicious cycle of yo-yo douchiness. Stop. Rewind. Rephrase. Justin is in a cycle of yoyo behavior, from cool guy to extreme dolt. There’s something to be said for a guy who takes it on the chin, admits to being a total jerk and pledges to change his behavior. And there’s something to be said for a guy who makes such a claim, and then turns a legion of online stalkers loose on a girl he finds attractive… and underage.
5. John Mayer
John Mayer is a legendary jackass. This guy is such a catfisherman for women who swoon at the sight of a man with a guitar. His breathy lyrics, and OK, fine, damn good guitar playing skills, have made more than a few women fall head over heels. The thing about John… he has a tendency to out his sexual partners. You know. Sex? That intimate act that is to be shared and honored between two consenting parties? Well… unless you’re a jerk about it. Even people who romp around orgy style are more discreet than John Mayer has been in his past. And then he gets into verbal slap contests with ex-lovers via various media!? No, John, no. There are also stories–music industry legends–that include John approaching adoring young women after shows, when he wasn’t yet a superstar, letting them know a night with him would be… unforgettable.
4. Caitlyn Jenner
Throw the tomatoes, CJ fans. She’s going on the list. Not yet at #1, but there’s no denying the behavior of 2015’s biggest story. Caitlyn may have enjoyed the vast majority of headlines in 2015, but switching lifestyles from male to female didn’t make her any less of an idiot. How’s that for equality? Everyone slow to judge Caitlyn, and automatically suggest she was “cool” kind of defeated the whole mission of LGBT didn’t it–that there’s no difference due to gender identity? We should all be treated with the same sense of fairness? Another discussion for another time. Caitlyn offered proof to the d-bag puddin’ when she started piping up against same-sex marriage on Ellen, which most people thought was sadly ironic, since she had basically became the poster girl for acceptance and understanding.
3. Spencer Pratt
It has been awhile since Spencer Pratt has enjoyed the spotlight, but he still hovers around the top of this list. If ever there has been a guy who just doesn’t get it… it’s Spencer. He’ll be on this list forevermore based solely on what he did to a sweet, unassuming, daddy-issue’d Heidi Montag, in supporting her obsession to look more like the things he stares at frequently in magazines. Regardless, a quick Google search for this guy will pretty much do it. He’s one of those reality TV villains who no one in their right mind would ever hire for anything outside of a publicity ploy. In fairness, it can’t all be on Spencer. He had to fall from some tree, or be cultivated by someone who taught him how best to be an ass. His popularity peaked five years ago, and he still managed to make headlines in 2015.
2. Suge Knight
He’s locked up. Throw away the key. This guy is a public nuisance, a menace to society and probably the party responsible for the death of Eazy-E… if you ask any conspiracy theorist, or Eric Wright’s youngest son for that matter. Suge Knight, once known as Sugar Bear (or Marion, if you grew up with him), was a product of South Central Los Angeles, and a standout football player throughout his youth. He eventually enjoyed a football scholarship at UNLV, and was invited to an NFL tryout with the Rams. According to his coaches and teammates, he wasn’t what he has become. What happened? Well, he got a taste for the gangsta lifestyle, and he went all out. His name is tossed around in every major murder case in the rap industry: Eazy-E, Tupac, Biggie. Now, it’s all coming out in the wash.
1. Donald Trump
It’s so great that Donald Trump devised the reality show The Apprentice, because that plants him firmly in the realm of entertainment, making him eligible for this specific list. Donald is always telling us how he’s the best. How he’s #1. And who are we to continue to argue with someone who is so much smarter than anyone else who has ever existed in the history of existence–not just the world. We’re talking all entities in this probable multiverse of which we have very little experience or understanding. Seriously. Donald is everything. He wants to be the President of The United States. We don’t have the power to grant such a wish, but we do have the power to make him King Douche Bag. And why? The majority of what he says to other people would get him put in time-out in a kindergarten class. That says it all.