Forget the politicizing. This is for sheer entertainment. We won’t go so far as to suggest it’s vapid satire, because we don’t waste our own time at Goliath. That’s right. Everything we write is worth reading, and everything we right is educated opine and always up for debate–especially when thrusting well known celebrities into the political realm to imagine their presidency. This list boasts a host of Americans on both sides of the political fence, as well as a few who couldn’t care less for the ruling political parties. We present to you: A Greater America.
9. George Clooney
George is well know for his human rights activism, and generally being the coolest guy in the room. It’s not hard to imagine George as the POTUS, because he always comes across as rather presidential. He’s well spoken, personable, not easily impressed, nor easily shaken. That’s the kind of fella you want as your national figurehead, and the guy signing bills into law. Imagining George’s strengths and weaknesses as Commander in Chief, he’d likely be criticized for coming across as flippant or dismissive, and for smiling when some would consider it inappropriate. He would be certain to use the military as national defense, or to only aid in conflicts that would benefit humanity vs. the United States oil import supply. And as it stands, George would also have the most head turning of First Ladies in the history of the United States presidency.
8. Oprah Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey pretty much got Barack Obama his job at the White House. Once Oprah threw her support behind her fellow Chicagoan, it was on–and in near landslide fashion. President Obama ran campaigns on Hope and Change, but he should have called it HOPErah. Now, imagine the first black female president. Who else comes to mind outside of Oprah Winfrey? (No. Beyonce is not presidential material.) If Oprah wanted to, she could put a dent in the United States national debt, or at least force her hand on Congress to come up with a better way to balance the federal budget. You can see it on your brain screen right now. She appears on the Senate floor: “Look under your chairs Senators! My favorite things!” Maybe that’s the issue with the status quo? There aren’t enough perks for “serving” in the United States federal government?
7. Alec Baldwin
This is intriguing for a couple of reasons. For starters, Alec Baldwin will let his mouth run in front of his brain from time to time. He is supremely entertaining during these episodes. Secondly, Alec has teased and toyed with running for public office. He once considered a campaign for the New York City Mayor’s office, but has since slowed his roll. The most intriguing thing about Alec “The Potential Politician” Baldwin, is the fact that he’s thrown support behind people from both sides of the aisle. Sure, he’s a little cocky, but that’s the type of thing people love about Donald Trump. They would also love it about Alec. The difference in the two is Alec’s razor sharp wit vs. Donald’s doltish weaksauce when he tries to insult a competitor. Alec would also be a smooth negotiator as President, and would host the coolest inaugural ball.
6. Morgan Freeman
He has played a president, and he did it to impressive impact. Sadly, his performance was overshadowed by another film presenting similar scenario. We are, of course, referring to Armageddon and Deep Impact. Two films that addressed celestial bodies hurtling toward earth, both released in 1998. Morgan Freeman played President Tom Beck in Deep Impact, and he was the man. You wanted him to be the president in real life. To put it out there, if one were to watch Deep Impact, then watch President Barack Obama give a speech, they might even think the current POTUS was influenced by the fictional Tom Beck. This is especially true during President Beck’s final speech in front of that busted up Capitol building. So. Morgan Freeman? Yeah, it’s feasible. And we can imagine his push to make 4/20 a national holiday.
5. Jon Stewart
This one was rather obvious, yes? He would have to run on a Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert ticket. Or maybe Stephen Colbert would be president, and Jon Stewart would be his Vice President. These guys are too intelligent to ever touch that office with a 10 foot pole, but if one were to get so fed up that they just had to run, it would be Jon Stewart. After all, Jon is the one who left an incredibly successful news entertainment show in order to do…? What, exactly? We’re not sure. Begin his political posturing? Some may scoff at Jon Stewart in the political realm, but that’s because he terrifies most career politicians and pundits. He leans left, but he also leans right in protecting personal liberty. He may not be above reproach, but he his above the bull crap.
4. Vince Vaughn
Here we have a libertarian. What is a libertarian? It’s the party that many people mispronounce as librarian. Libertarians, in the simplest sense, believe in personal liberties, and those liberties not being infringed upon. They’re big believers in free market enterprise, and limited government. Like most who ascribe to the party platform, Vince is all for striking down the excessive lawmaking, when things should be left to the process of private negotiation. Vince may come across as a silver tongued devil in many of his movies, but he’s quite well spoken on many of the issues that face a free society. His skills as an orator are unique, to say the least, and he would bring some more humor to American politics, something that is sorely needed! Vince could also run a grassroots campaign based on his popularity, and score millions in small support donations.
3. Angelina Jolie
Let’s pause for her cause. Angelina would be pegged as a far-leaning left winger, who would only care about social progress, but in truth, she’s doing a lot of the work that is traditionally “reserved” for the most compassionate of the right wing faction. Maybe we should strip this winged vehicle down to the fuselage, and see if it’ll fly like a rocket with Angelina at the controls? President Angie Jolie. What foreign leader of an extreme, male-dominant society could resist her charm? Is that to say Angelina should use her hotness to impose political will? Heck yes! And for any right wing, or left wing types who’d have a problem with it, she could chalk it up to blessings, or evolution. That’s politics. The easiest thing to imagine in an Angelina presidency? Taking the power suit to the next level.
2. Woody Harrelson
This list of celebrity presidents wouldn’t be complete without someone who simply doesn’t believe in government at all. Does Woody believe in laws? Loosely. He probably identifies with the Libertarian Party, but don’t paint him in a box, man. Woody’s platform? Legalize weed. Legalize anything that someone wants to do in the privacy of their home, or on their property. Don’t infringe on people’s homes or property. Respect differences of opinion, and especially in public arenas. Don’t start no s**t, won’t be no s**t. While all those things sound amazing as ideology, it’s easy to imagine the following at the White House. “Where’s the President? Mr. President!? Woody! You’ve got a press conference.” To which President Harrelson would respond, “Oh, why don’t you go ahead, and do it. You’re doin’ great! I’m having a nice bath!”
1. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Why not? Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has offered a helping hand to both sides of the political spectrum. He has been painted as a right wing conservative, but he’s more a traditional conservative. You wanna do something that doesn’t harm someone, or disrespect their personal liberty, by all means, enjoy. Abuse that freedom, and you will smell what the rock is cookin’! Want a president that will be respected, and revered by members of the United States military? The Rock. Want a president who would strut into tense negotiations with Kim Jong Un, and walk out with a new Korean fanboy? The Rock. Want a president who would tell Roger Goodell he has overstepped his bounds as NFL Commissioner? The Rock. The answer to every problem in America? The Rock. If only Abe Lincoln could have built his house on The Rock, it would’ve never been divided.