Things that go bump in the night, things that dwell in the dark forest, things that lurk below murky waters have always given way to involuntary shutters. Glowing red eyes, sharp teeth, and guttural growls have haunted the sleep of dreamers for as long as can be remembered. Fear is the unknown and monsters are the unknown. Urban legends and folklore have given us monsters that tap into this fear and make our skin crawl. However, there are a few critters that are ineffective at making even the smallest hair stand on end. The monsters listed here, for all their mystical hype, have bankrupted their respective supernatural caches and generally become the laughing stalks of the monster world. Let’s turn on the lights, pull back the covers and laugh at what’s hiding under the bed.
This handsome devil is of Native American origin, specifically from Wampanoag legend. The Pukwudgie is a small creature that is about 2-to-3 feet in height with an enlarged nose, fingers, and ears. They are said to have smooth gray toned skin that has at times been known to glow. Pukwudgie are magical creatures that can appear and disappear when they like, have been known to lure people to their deaths, shoot poison darts, start fires at will, and control the souls of their victims. Fun fact, for all their mechviousness they can transform themselves into walking porcupines. These little rascals are actually pixie porcupines, isn’t that adorable?
6. New Jersey Devil
The New Jersey Devil is a strange hodge-podge monster that is said to reside in Pine Barrens of southern New Jersey. The monster itself is describe as having a head of a goat, bat wings, horns, small clawed arms, cloven hoofs, and a forked tail. Lore suggests that this animal was actually the 13th child of the Leeds family that was cursed in the womb, and moments after the child was born it shifted into its well-known monstrous form. Over the years there have been various sightings of the creature, but tangible evidence of this its existence has yet to be found. However, for all its lore it can’t really be said what the New Jersey Devil does, aside from terrorizing a bus, the creature’s nefarious behavior appears to be overrated and mostly pop cultural.
5. Loch Ness Monster/Nessie
The Loch Ness Monster, otherwise known as Nessie, is a cryptid of Scottish origin that is reputed to reside in Loch Ness, a lake in the country’s Highlands. Nessie is reported to have two humps, four fins, and a snake-like head and has been allegedly seen over 1,000 times, with the earliest sighting dating back to the 6th century. There have been many theories to try and explain what the Loch Ness Monster could be, the most popular stating that Nessie is actually a Plesiosaur, a type of dinosaur. Besides being a total celebrity and paparazzi dodger, Nessie has single-handedly boosted her city’s revenues with a reported 80% of tourists hoping to catch a glimpse of the famous recluse. Nessie is more fit to be considered Citizen of the Year than a monster.
This creature is an awkward combination of human and moth that is thought to inhabit the area surrounding Point Pleasant, West Virginia. The creature is said to look like a huge man with wings and glowing red eyes. Mothman is said to be responsible for various bizarre phenomena including the 1967 collapse of the Silver Bridge, which claimed the lives of 47 people. There were only about 100 sightings of Mothman in Point Pleasant prior to the collapse of the bridge, yet people contend that this creature and the collapse were connected. Mothman’s main M.O., aside from ruining city infrastructure, is attacking cars with teenagers in them. Seems like Mothman is more like the annoying guy from your condo complex or an over enthusiastic member of Neighborhood Watch.
The Kraken is Norway’s legendary sea monster. In traditional folklore the Kraken was said to appear more whale or crab-like and didn’t adopt its giant squid-like form until the late 18th century. Current theories suggest that the Kraken is actually a colossal octopus that has been misinterpreted by popular culture. Although in appearance this monster seems to be rather terrifying, the real danger of the Kraken are bubbles and giant wakes caused by its movements. Bubbles folks, bubbles… scary stuff right there.
2. Monkey Man
In 2001 reports of an odd monkey-like creature attacking people in New Delhi, India, began to surface. The creature, although very inconsistently, was described as four feet tall, covered in thick black hair, wearing a metal helmet, metal claws, glowing red eyes, and, oddly enough, three buttons on its chest. Others, however, argued that this creature was eight feet tall and muscular. Regardless of its varying description, the people of New Delhi agreed that something was leaping from rooftop to rooftop, lurking in the shadows and scratching people. The best part of this creature’s hype is that the people actually got themselves worked up into a frenzy and jumped from buildings and fell down stairwells in attempts to flee from their pursuer. The nerve of Monkey Man, how dare he use the city as a jungle gym and haplessly scratch people in the night! Jerk!
Rumored to live in the heavily forested regions of North America, Bigfoot is a large man-ape hybrid. Described rather like your least favorite uncle, Bigfoot is a large, hairy and stinky human-like figure that strolls around on two legs, and who, if invited to a party, would likely lurk in the corner of the room and unapologetically eat the last slice pizza. Bigfoot, at one point in time, could have probably scared the stank off a skunk, but today his pop culturalization and subsequent commercialization has forced him to live off of royalties in deep cover. Eat your heart out Harper Lee, you’ve got nothing on this lumbersexual babe!