Fanboys have been around since the dawn of pop culture. In the days before the Internet, fanboys were somewhat limited in their abilities to annoy the general public. It seems that fanboys today spend most of their time searching online forums for a chance to defend their favorite product or celebrity. Whatever the object of obsession happens to be, to a fanboy it is more important than water, air or world peace. If you disagree with a fanboy, expect to hear a few choice words and the occasional derogatory comment about your mother. These fanboys really need to stop complaining.
10. Beliebers vs Non-Beliebers
Beliebers are a frightening bunch. Nobody truly understands how this cult has been able to accumulate so many faithful followers. To be a Belieber requires complete devotion towards a seemingly spoiled young celebrity and an unhealthy, and sometimes violent, emotional reaction to any criticism. If someone speaks negatively about the Biebs, his fangirls are known to complain incessantly. Just ask Olivia Wilde. After Olivia made a playful tweet suggesting that Justin should start wearing shirts, the Beliebers bombarded her with 17,000 hateful tweets and death threats. Olivia said, “I’m going to get attacked with acid. Someone’s going to throw acid in my face. If that happens there are 35 million Beliebers that did it, so find them.”
9. The Book is Better!
Almost all of us have been guilty of this annoying fanboy complaint: “The movie wasn’t nearly as good as the book!” The Beach is a fantastic book with a cult following, but it became a shamefully less popular movie. Some Twihards might tell you that reading Twilight is much better than seeing it, but most of us have done neither. Who knows if The Godfather was a better movie than it was a book? Did you read the book?
Some fanboys shutter when their beloved book becomes a movie and some fans understand that a book is not a film. If you do decide to watch your favorite book on the silver screen, please don’t expect the movie to be better than the book. If you set yourself up for this kind of disappointment, please spare us the negative comparisons.
8. PCs are the Best Personal Computers!
The Mac vs. PC debate has been going on for decades. Doesn’t it seem a little illogical to rank one computer company, Apple, against all other computer manufacturers, PC? That’s kind of like saying that Rolls Royce are better than cars, or that cars are better than Volkswagens. PC fanboys think that Apple fanboys act like they’re part of a computing elite, and both go to great lengths to criticize one another. There are plenty of PCs out there with greater features and a heftier price tag than your average iMac.
Considering that most people only use their computers to visit websites, send the occasional email or look at selfies, it probably doesn’t really matter what your computer has under the hood. Most major software is available for both OS and Windows, so choose one and get to work.
7. Heath Ledger Was The Best Joker
Batman fanboys have a long history of complaining about casting decisions. When Michael Keaton was cast as Batman in 1989, fanboys sent over 50,000 letters complaining about the choice. Keaton’s portrayal of Batman, especially when compared to George Clooney’s, is now fanboy protected.
In 2008, when Heath Ledger was cast as the Joker in The Dark Knight, almost everybody complained. Jack Nicholson was thought to be the ultimate Joker at the time. Ledger provided such an inspired performance that audiences were stunned. Ledger even went on to posthumously win an Academy Award for his role. Knowing that fanboys complain as fanboys do, director David Ayer took great care when casting Jared Leto as the Joker in Suicide Squad. Social media quickly exploded with complaints suggesting that Leto will be the worst Joker ever. The biggest complaint is that Leto is not Ledger. Some fanboys are just impossible to please.
6. My Phone is Better Than Your Phone!
Are Androids really better than iPhones? Is the Windows Phone or Blackberry user correct when they say that iPhones and Androids are simply high-tech toys? Do people still buy Blackberries? The battle over who makes the best smartphone is a pointless and heated debate. People who love Apple products say that Androids are just badly made fake iPhones. Android users say that iPhones are featureless, overpriced and battery-sucking shiny turds.
Every “Androne” or “iSheep” thinks that his or her smartphone is superior. Does it really matter? No matter what, in another year your phone will not be the best phone on the planet. It will still be a phone though, with more computational power then the world’s best supercomputers from over 30 years ago. Just be glad that you like your phone and stop complaining if somebody else likes a different phone more.
5. You’re Not a Real Gamer!
Every video game platform has its own group of annoying fanboys. Sony Ponies, Nintendrones, Xbots and PC elitists are constantly battling with each other over which system is the best. Every video game thread features trolls, name-calling and hurt feelings. PC gamers insist that “real” gamers must be willing to buy an expensive computer, get the latest graphics card and spend time fiddling with drivers to optimize the game play. Other gamers are more than happy to spend less money and buy a console that works right out of the box.
Typical gamer arguments usually sound something like this: “I own every console and the one you like belongs in the Atari landfill!” It isn’t likely that these gamers own the consoles that they supposedly hate. It seems more likely that these gamers have serious insecurity issues and feel that their system of choice somehow determines their self worth.
4. The Original Was Better
Most of us have probably complained when something from our cherished past gets remade. When George Lucas announced that he was retiring from the Star Wars franchise he said, “Why would I make any more, when everybody yells at you all the time and says what a terrible person you are?” The fanboy backlash began in 1997, when the Star Wars creator made changes to the original 1977 movie. This may be the only real way to cause irreparable harm to an original, by actually changing it.
Remakes are another issue. Some bad remakes still make for a worthwhile cultural experience. When Kanye West offered us his rendition of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” he provided millions of viewers with a much-needed laugh. After hearing Jeff Buckley’s cover of “Hallelujah,” Leonard Cohen reportedly said, “I wrote the lyrics, but it is definitely a Buckley song.” The original is still available if you’d prefer.
3. Call of Duty Fanboys
Call of Duty (COD) fanboys are a delusional bunch. Many firmly believe that COD invented the First Person Shooter (FPS), and that all other FPS games have blatantly ripped off their favorite game. The haters say that COD fanboys are incapable of talking about anything else or becoming friends with non-COD gamers. They typically don’t play other games and believe that people who don’t play COD aren’t real gamers.
Every YouTube video about COD is littered with abusive verbal warfare from both sides. For some, the comments are more entertaining than the game itself. In 2013, it was reported that 25 billion hours, or 2.85 million years, have been spent playing games in the Call of Duty series. Maybe COD fanboys and their haters should stop complaining, stop gaming, get some therapy for their addiction and start working on a cure for cancer.
2. Marvelites vs. DC Fanboys
Marvel fans and DC fans have been at each other’s throats for ages. The DC fanboys insist that roughly half of all Marvel characters are just DC rip offs. Apparently, Marvel’s X-Men copied DC’s Doom Patrol, which copied Marvel’s Fantastic Four, which copied DC’s The Challengers of the Unknown. Confusing right? Is DC’s Convergence a rip off of Marvel’s Secret Wars, or is Secret Wars a rip off of DC’s Crisis? These are the kinds of things that add fuel to the DC. vs. Marvel war.
Marvelites love to troll the Man of Steel boards by pointing out how much it sucked and how brilliant the Marvel Multiverse is. In turn, DC fanboys love reminding the world just how awful Iron Man 3 was. Most of us don’t care. They’re just comic books and movies. Real fans enjoy both Marvel and DC, and they aren’t annoying about it.
1. Twihards
It’s difficult to understand why anyone would become obsessed with the Twilight books or movies. One of the main characters, Edward Cullen, was born in 1901, became a vampire, and then a hundred years later fell in love with and impregnated a teenage girl. Does this seem a little unsettling? Forget the massive age gap, why does this centenarian still have the emotional intelligence of an angry and rebellious teen? Like Beliebers, Twihards will snap on you if you say anything even remotely negative about their little fantasy world. They will send you threatening messages using their barely literate phone language. They even bicker and complain amongst themselves. The girls on “Team Edward” seem pretty convinced that “Team Jacob” is in a distant second place. Just don’t tell them that Edward would look hotter if he had a lightning scar on his forehead. We’ve heard enough.
