Superheroes are, by definition, ridiculous. Even the most accomplished and popular costumed vigilantes are still grownups in colorful costumes beating up other grownups in colorful costumes. But you can at least build good, convincing stories out of the best of the best, like the ones currently heading the vaunted Marvel Cinematic Universe.
Not every hero, however, can be Captain America or Iron Man. Not everything that came from Jack Kirby’s brain is worthy of inclusion into the MCU. Want proof? Because we’ve got it. Here are some truly awful heroes who, no matter how many times they technically saved the world, aren’t worth the ink spent showing us how they did it … and probably will never make the jump to the MCU either.
13. Ulysses Solomon Archer (US-1)
Truckers are certainly important to industry, but just imagine Iron Man or Captain America fighting alongside a guy whose entire modus operandi is “trucks.” That’s why you’ll never see US-1 taking down Thanos while cracking wise with Thor.
Introduced in the early 80s, when truckers and “breaker breaker one nine” lingo was all the rage for whatever reason, US-1’s real name is Ulysses Solomon (get it?). An ordinary truck driver, Solomon was abducted by aliens, who replaced the top of his head with a cybernetic alloy that allowed him to hear CB transmissions. And why would they want that? Because they were seeking truck drivers to become space pilots and decided Solomon was just the man for the job, naturally.
Years later, down on his luck after years of nobody in the Marvel universe so much as sniffing him, he applied to be Luke Cage and Jessica Jones’s nanny. They passed, which must have been his life’s biggest letdown since his boss cut his meal per diem in half.